Ordinary Beautiful Days

FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER ...............
 



These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

I have to add this one in, I remember it so well! I laughed most of the day and it kept popping into may head for the rest of that week!! The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up most of the show!
Q.  Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later):  Loneliness!
And the audience laughed for another 10 to 15 minutes.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes...
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q.. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q.. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom..
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A.. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old  Hammond  organ, the young minister noticed a  cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled With water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones,They began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground..The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.”?

A Northern  Territories (Oz) farm hand, radios back to  the farm manager.
'Boss, I got one  helluva problem here... I hit a ruddy pig with the truck.  The pig seems OK, but he's stuck in the roo-bars on the  front and is wriggling and squealing so blady much, I can't  get 'im out.
The manager says,'Ok, there’s a ....303 rifle behind the seat in the rack, take it, shoot the pig and  you'll be able to remove it.'
Five minutes later the farm  hand calls back, 'I did what you said Boss. Took the gun, shot the pig in  the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still  can't go on'.
'So what's the f**king problem  now mate?' raged the Manager. '
Well boss, it's his  motor-bike....it's stuck under the wheel arch and the bloody blue light  wont stop flashing..'...............hello- you still there  Boss?

Although it's stopped grabbing headlines as much and testing for it has stopped, H1N1 is still in our midst.
If you have lots of questions about the flu and how the healthcare system is prepared to tackle it this flu season, our MP Olivia Chow is holding an H1N1 Forum September 23rd. Experts from Toronto Public Health, Health Canada and the Canadian Health Coalition will be on hand.
There's also lots of information online at FightFlu.ca.

 Mozilla Organization - 7.69MB (Open Source)

The Web is all about innovation, and Firefox sets the pace with dozens of new features to deliver a faster, more secure and customizable Web browsing experience for all.

User Experience. The enhancements to Firefox provide the best possible browsing experience on the Web. The new Firefox smart location bar, affectionately known as the "Awesome Bar," learns as people use it, adapting to user preferences and offering better fitting matches over time.

Performance. Firefox is built on top of the powerful new Gecko platform, resulting in a safer, easier to use and more personal product.

Security. Firefox raises the bar for security. The new malware and phishing protection helps protect from viruses, worms, trojans and spyware to keep people safe on the Web.

Customization. Everyone uses the Web differently, and Firefox lets users customize their browser with more than 5,000 add-ons.

The Annex Residents Association is encouraging diligence from us because car "smash and grabs" are occuring with regularity in our neighbourhood.
Car windows are smashed in and then the cars are looted for anything valuable.
So, if you keep spare change; valuable electronics; or anything else of interest to a thief in your vehicle, it might be a good idea to change your habits.

At the height of her career, Chairry was a star. She was a friend to Pee Wee, a confident to Cowby Curtis, and a lover to Jombi.
On many occasions The King of Cartoons fell drunk into her tender embrace, but she was so much more than a place to sit. No one had more passion for the Word Of The Day than Chairry.
No one hollered mekka lekka hi, mekka hienie ho with more fervour.
Chairry's story is yet another reminder of the meat grinder that is the children's entertainment industry. One day they're making plaster molds of your face for Arbie's cups, the next you're snorting meth with Bob Sagat behind a Santa Monica Waffle House.
What set her off on this collision course with the underworld? Was it the wrongful ostracizing of her dearest friend Paul Reubens? Or was this was Chairry's destiny?
As she always said "it's better to burn out than to Faye Dunaway."

LOL.

I’d like to thank Jorge A. for posting this on his tumblr account. Apparently this was a real restaurant in Vancouver. It’s no longer open, in case you care.

Hilarious!!

It’s been almost a week now since I made mistake of turning off my computer during a Windows Update installation of all those optional language files, which I have since determined that I didn’t need, and all it cost me was about five years worth of photos, music, and documents.

I understand now why it’s important to create a Rescue Start Up disk for just this type of situation, because had I done so before hand, I wouldn’t be starting from scratch.

Oh well , it’s just virtual stuff, and that can always be replaced over time. Just another situation to learn from is all.